Finding the ‘New Normal’ as a New Mother

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While motherhood is a dream for many and is one of life’s most transformative experiences physically, mentally, and emotionally, many women struggle after giving birth. While this can be due to a variety of reasons, many women spend weeks, sometimes even months, after giving birth, wondering when they will feel like themselves again.

While women can love their baby with no second thought, they can often feel like a stranger in their own body and mind. The exhaustion, hormonal swings, and the new responsibility of keeping a baby alive can leave even the most prepared feeling like their lives will never be normal again.

Despite one’s desires, the idea and reality of going “back to normal” isn’t as simple as believing in oneself, nor is it simply a matter of powering through the symptoms. While the cultural pressures to “bounce back” are more than prevalent in today’s society, they can make certain women feel as if they’re failing even months later. 

The Myth of Going “Back to Normal”

According to Leah Walker, a lactation consultant and a postpartum educator at Aeroflow Breastpumps, recovery from pregnancy isn’t a linear process. While many are told that they can recover in six weeks, the truth is that one’s body, hormones, and identity are still reforming for months, and sometimes, it even takes years after birth.

“You’re trying to figure out how to care for a baby and your new self at the same time,” Walker says. “That’s a big emotional load.”

This emotional load can make women feel as though they’ve failed if they don’t “bounce back” after their pregnancy. For Walker, mothers shouldn’t feel pressured to return to a state of “normalcy,” but rather, take the time to rest to deal with the realistic expectations that come as a result of pregnancy.

At Aeroflow Breastpumps, Walker and the team help mothers, new and experienced, approach recovery as a long-term process, not as the six-week jaunt that many expect to go through, all by emphasizing that no two recoveries are the same, and that, in the end, it is perfectly reasonable to slow down.

What Moms Really Feel Six Months Postpartum

To understand how women feel six months postpartum, Aeroflow Breastpumps surveyed nearly 1,000 women. While the results show a great deal of resilience, there is also fatigue and uncertainty present within them.

“Most said they were doing ‘okay,’ but not quite thriving,” Walker says. “About 30% said they were taking it day by day, and a small group said they were struggling emotionally.”

For many, this gap between what they expected and how they actually feel creates a contrasting dynamic. The constant demands to feed, pump, heal, and manage a household can leave little wiggle room to process the shift that comes with new motherhood. This is part of the reason why Aeroflow Breastpumps offers postpartum classes. They are often covered by insurance and help mothers focus on feeding, recovery, and emotional wellness.

“Moms who take those classes often tell us they finally have language for what they’re going through,” Walker adds. “That alone can make them feel more like themselves again.”

The company’s Facebook group, The Pumping Room, is also a resource that mothers can depend on. With nearly 50,000 members that include moms, partners, and support people, the group has become a platform where women can not only share advice but also vent and celebrate the small wins that come with motherhood.

Finding Relief in Feeling Grounded

Walker says that starting small and permitting oneself to slow down is a great step in finding one’s space and feeling grounded with motherhood. The path forward doesn’t have to be complicated, and even the smallest shifts can bring comfort, she explains.

“Avoid trying to get all the things back to the way they used to be before your little one arrived,” Walker says. “You are going to have a new normal, and that’s okay!”

Changes are bound to take place regardless of how one feels emotionally. Being able to lean on one’s partner, or simply take quiet minutes to oneself around housework, can make the difference between learning what “normal” healing looks like and knowing when to ask for help.

A Reminder to New Moms

While it’s easy to feel like others are thriving while you are struggling, the truth is that many moms are in a state of evolution, which requires constant evaluation and acceptance for the way life has changed. It doesn’t mean that they’re doing anything wrong.

For Walker, feeling unlike oneself is part of the process of becoming a new person, especially a new mother.

“You don’t have to rush to ‘bounce back’ or try to keep up with all the unrealistic trends on social media,” Walker says, and adds that, “No one’s perfect, but being your authentic self is perfect for your baby. The goal isn’t to return to who you were, it’s to grow into who you’re becoming. And you deserve real support while you do that.”

While motherhood is an experience that changes people from the inside out, new moms should know that by offering themselves time, giving themselves grace, and finding the right community, they can feel like themselves again, even if it looks different than before.